[6] |
A Modest Proposal, &c.
[Text: Third edition, 1730]
IT is a melancholy Object to those who walk thro' this great Town, or travel in the Country, when they see the Streets, the Roads, and Cabbin-Doors crowded with Beggars of the Female Sex, followed by three, four, or six Children all in Rags, and importuning every Passenger for an Alms. These Mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest Livelihood, are forced to employ all their [6] Time in stroling to beg Sustenance for their helpleß infants who, as they grow up, either turn Thieves for want of Work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all Parties, that this prodigious Number of Children, in the Arms, or on the Backs, or at the Heels of their Mothers, and frequently of their Fathers, is in the present deplorable State of the kingdom, a very great additional Grievance and therefore whoever could find out a Fair, Cheap and Easy Method of making these Children Sound and Useful Members of the Common-wealth, would deserve, so well of the Publick, as to have his Statue set up for a Preserver of the Nation.
BUT my Intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the Children of professed Beggars; it is of a much greater Extent, and shall take in the whole Number of Infants at a certain Age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand our charity in the Streets. [7]
AS to my own Part, having turned my Thoughts for many Years upon this important Subject, and maturely weighed the several Schemes of other Projectors, I have always found them grosly mistaken in their Computation. 'Tis true, a Child just dropt from its Dam, may be supported by her Milk, for a Solar Year, with little other Nourishment, at most not above the Value of two Shillings, which the Mother may certainly get, or the Value in Scraps, by her lawful Occupation of Begging; and it is exactly at one Year old that I propose to provide for them, in such a manner, as, instead of being a Charge upon their Parents or the Parish, or wanting Food and Raiment for the rest of their Lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the Feeding, and partly to the Cloathing of many Thousands.
THERE is likewise another great Advantage in my Scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary Abortions, and that horrid Practice of Women murdering their Bastard Children, alas! too frequent among us; Sacrificing the poor innocent Babes, I doubt, more, to avoid the Expence than the Shame, [8] which which would move Tears and Pity in the most savage and inhuman Breast.
THE Number of Souls in this Kingdom being usually reckon'd One million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about Two hundred Thousand Couple, whose Wives are Breeders, from which Number I substract Thirty thousand Couples, who are able to maintain their own Children; although I apprehend there cannot be so many under the present Distresses of the Kingdom: but this being granted, there will remain One hundred and seventy thousand Breeders.
I again substract Fifty thousand for those Women who miscarry, or whose Children die by Accident or Disease within the Year; there only remain One hundred and twenty thousand Children of poor Parents annually born: the Question therefore is, How this Number shall be reared and provided for; which, as I have already said, under the present Situation of Affairs, is utterly impossible, by all the Methods hitherto proposed: for we can neither employ them in Handicraft or Agriculture; we neither build Houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate Land? They can [9] very seldom pick up a Livelihood by Stealing, till they arrive at six Years old, except where they are of Towardly Parts; although, I confeß they learn the Rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly look'd upon only as Probationers; as I have been informed by a principal Gentleman in the County of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one or two instances under the Age of Six, even in a part of the Kingdom so renowned for the quickest Proficiency in that Art.
I am assured by our Merchants, that a Boy or Girl, before twelve Years old, is no saleable Commodity; and even when they come to this Age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three Pounds and half a Crown at most on the Exchange: which cannot turn to Account either to the Parents or the Kingdom, the Charge of Nutriment and Rags having been at least four times that Value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own Thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least Objection. [10]
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my Acquaintance in London, that a young healthy Child well nurs'd, is, at a Year old, a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome Food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt, that it will equally serve in a Fricassée, or a Ragoust.
I do therefore humbly offer it to publick Consideration, that of the Hundred and twenty thousand Children already computed, Twenty thousand may be reserved for Breed, whereof only one Fourth part to be Males, which is more than we allow to Sheep, black Cattle, or Swine; and my Reason is, that these Children are seldom the Fruits of Marriage, a Circumstance not much regarded by our Savages, therefore one Male will be sufficient to serve four Females. That the remaining Hundred thousand may, at a Year old, be offered in Sale to the Persons of Quality and Fortune through the Kingdom, always advising the Mother to let them suck plentifully of the last Month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good Table. A Child will make two Dishes at an Entertainment for Friends, and when the Family dines alone, the fore or hind Quarter will make a reasonable [11] Dish, and seasoned with a little Pepper or Salt will be very good boiled on the fourth Day, especially in Winter.
I have reckoned upon a Medium, that a, child just born will weigh twelve Pounds, and, in a solar Year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to Twenty-eight Pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for Landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the Parents, seem to have the best Title to the Children.
INFANTS Flesh will be in season throughout the Year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after, for we are told by a grave Author, an eminent French physician, that Fish being a prolifick Diet, there are more Children born in Roman Catholick Countries about nine Months after Lent, than at any other Season: therefore, reckoning a Year after Lent, the Markets will be more glutted than usual, because the Number of Popish Infants, is at least three to one in this Kingdom, and therefore it will have one other collateral Advantage by lessening the Number of Papists among us. [12]
I have already computed the charge of Nursing a Beggar's Child (in which List I reckon all Cottagers, Labourers, and Four Fifths of the Farmers) to be about two Shillings per Annum, Rags included; and I believe no Gentleman would repine to give Ten Shillings for the Carcase of a good fat Child, which, as I have said, will make four Dishes of excellent Nutritive Meat, when he hath only some particular Friend, or his own Family to dine with . him. Thus the Esquire will learn to be a good Landlord, and grow popular among his Tenants, the Mother will have Eight Shillings neat Profit, and be fit for work till she produces another Child.
THOSE who are more thrifty, (as I must confeß the Times require) may flay the Carcase; the Skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable Gloves for Ladies, and Summer Boots for fine Gentlemen.
As to our City of Dublin, Shambles may be appointed for this Purpose, in the most convenient Parts of it, and Butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the [13] Children alive, and dressing them hot from the Knife, as we do Roasting-Pigs.
A very worthy Person, a true Lover of his Country, and whose Virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this Matter, to offer a Refinement upon my Scheme. He said, that many Gentlemen of this Kingdom having of late destroyed their Deer, he conceived that the want of Venison might be well supplied by the Bodies of young Lads and Maidens, not exceeding fourteen Years of Age, nor under twelve; so great a Number of both Sexes in every County being now ready to starve for want of Work and Service: And these to be disposed of by their Parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest Relations. But with due deference to so excellent a Friend, and so deserving a Patriot, I cannot be altogether in his Sentiments: for as to the Males, my American Acquaintance assured me from frequent Experience, that their Flesh was generally Tough and Lean, like that of our School-Boys, by continual exercise, and their Taste disagreeable; and to Fatten them, would not answer the Charge. Then as to the Females, it would, I think, with humble Submission, be a Loß to the Publick, because they soon would [14] become Breeders themselves: And besides, it is not improbable that some scrapulous People might be apt to censure such a Practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon Cruelty; which, I confeß, hath always been with me the strongest Objection against any Project, however well intended.
BUT in Order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put into his Head by the famous Psalmanaazar, a Native of the Island Formosa, who came, from thence to London above twenty Years ago; and in Conversation told my Friend, that in his Country when any young Person happened to be put to death, the Executioner sold the Carcase to Persons of Quality as a prime Dainty, and that, in his Time, the Body of a plump Girl of fifteen, who was crucify'd for an Attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to his Imperial Majesty's Prime Minister of State, and other great Mandarins of the Court, in Joints from the Gibbet, at four hundred Crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same Use were made of several plump young Girls in this Town, who, without one single Groat to their Fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a [15] Chair, and appear at the Play-House, and Assemblies, in foreign Fineries, which they never will pay for; the Kingdom would not be the worse.
SOME persons of a desponding Spirit are in great concern about that vast Number of poor People, who are aged, diseased, or maimed; and I have been desired to employ my Thoughts what Course may be taken, to ease the Nation of so grievous an Incumbrance. But I am not in the least Pain upon that Matter, because it is very well known, that they are every Day dying, and rotting, by Cold, and Famine, and Filth and Vermine, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the younger Labourers, they are now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get Work, and consequently pine away for want of Nourishment, to a Degree, that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common Labour, they have not Strength to perform it: and thus the Country and themselves are happily delivered from the Evils to come.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my Subject. I think the Advantages by the Proposal which I have [16] made, are obvious and many, as well as of the highest Importance.
FOR first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the Number of Papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal Breeders of the Nation, as well as our most dangerous Enemies; and who stay at Home on purpose with a design to deliver the Kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their Advantage by the Absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their Country, than stay at home, and pay Tithes against their Conscience, to an Episcopal Curate.
2dly, THE poorer Tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by Law may be made liable to Distreß, and help to pay their Landlords Rent; their Corn and Cattle being already seized, and Money a thing unknown.
3dly, WHEREAS the Maintenance of an hundred thousand Children, from two Years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at leß than ten Shillings a piece per Annum, the Nation's Stock will be thereby encreased fifty thousand Pounds [17] per Annum, besides the Profit of a new Dish, introduced to the Tables of all Gentlemen of Fortune in the Kingdom, who have any Refinement in Taste; and the Money will circulate among our selves, the Goods being entirely of our own Growth and Manufacture.
4thly, THE constant Breeders, besides the Gain of eight Shillings sterl. per Annum, by the Sale of their Children, will be rid of the Charge of maintaining them after the first Year.
5thly, THIS Food would likewise bring great Customs to Taverns, where the Vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best Receipts for dressing it to Perfection, and consequently have their Houses frequented by all the fine Gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their Knowledge in good Eating; and a skilful Cook, who understands how to oblige his Guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
6thly, THIS would be a great Inducement to Marriage, which all wise Nations have either encouraged by Rewards, or enforced by Laws and Penalties. It [18] would increase the Care and Tenderneß of Mothers towards their Children, when they were sure of a Settlement for Life, to the poor Babes, provided in some Sort by the Publick to their annual Profit instead of Expence; we should soon see an honest Emulation among the married Women, which of them could bring the fattest Child to Market; Men would become as fond of their Wives, during the Time, of their Pregnancy, as they are now of their Mares in Foal, their Cows in Calf, or Sows when they are ready to farrow, nor offer to beat or kick them (as it is too frequent a practice) for fear of a Miscarriage.
MANY other advantages might be enumerated: For Instance, the Addition of some thousand Carcases in our Exportation of barrel'd Beef: The Propagation of Swine's Flesh, and Improvement in the Art of making good Bacon, so much wanted among us by the great Destruction of Pigs, too frequent at our Tables, which are no way comparable in Taste, or Magnificence, to a well-grown, fat Yearling Child, which roasted whole will make a considerable Figure at a Lord Mayor's Feast, or any other publick Entertainment. But [19] this and many others I omit, being studious of Brevity.
SUPPOSING that One thousand Families in this City, would be constant Customers sot Infants Flesh, besides others who might have it at Merry-meetings, particularly Weddings and Christnings; I compute that Dublin would take off annually about Twenty thousand Carcases, and the rest of the Kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining Eighty thousand.
I can think of no one Objection that will possibly be raised against this Proposal, unleß it should be urged, that the Number of People will thereby be much lessened in the Kingdom. This I freely own, and was indeed one principal Design in offering it to the World.
I desire the Reader will observe, that I calculate my Remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or I think ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no Man talk to me of other Expedients: Of taxing our Absentees at five Shillings a Pound: Of using neither Clothes nor Houshold-Furniture, [20] except what is of our own Growth and Manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the Materials and Instruments that promote Foreign Luxury: Of curing the Expensiveneß of Pride, Vanity, Idleneß and Gaming in our Women: Of introducing a Vein of Parcimony, Prudence and Temperance: Of learning to love our Country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the Inhabitants of Topinambou: Of quitting our Animosities and Factions; nor act any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their City was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our Country and Consciences for nothing: Of teaching Landlords to have at least one Degree of Mercy towards their Tenants: Lastly, Of putting a Spirit of Honesty, Industry and Skill into our Shop-Keepers, who, if a Resolution could now be taken to buy only our Native Goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the Price, the Measure, and the Goodneß, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair Proposal of just Dealing, though often in earnest invited to it.
THEREFORE I repeat, let no Man talk to me of these and the like Expedients, till he hath at least some Glimpse of Hope, [21] that there will ever be some hearty and sincere Attempt to put them in practice.
BUT as to my self, having been wearied out for many Years, with offering vain, idle, visionary Thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of Succeß, I fortunately fell upon this Proposal; which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no Expence and little Trouble, full in our own Power, and whereby we can incur no Danger in disobliging England. For this kind of Commodity will not bear Exportation, the Flesh being of too tender a Consistence, to admit a long Continuance in Salt; although perhaps I could name a Country, which would be glad to eat up our whole Nation without it.
AFTER all, I am not so violently bent upon my own Opinion, as to reject any Offer proposed by wise Men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy and effectual.
BUT before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my Scheme, and offering a better, I desire the [22] Author or Authors will be pleased maturely to consider two Points.
1st, AS things now stand, how they will be able to find Food and Raiment for One hundred thousand useleß Mouths and Backs.
AND, 2dly, There being a round Million of Creatures in human Figure, throughout this Kingdom, whose whole Subsistence put into a common Stock, would leave them in Debt Two million of Pounds Sterl. adding those, who are Beggars by Profession, to the Bulk of Farmers, Cottagers and Labourers, with their Wives and Children, who are Beggars in effect.
I desire those Politicians who dislike my Overture, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an Answer, that they will first ask the Parents of these Mortals, whether they would not at this Day think it a great Happineß to have been sold for Food at a Year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual Scene of Misfortunes as they have since gone thro', by the Oppression of Landlords, the Impossibility of paying Rent without Money or Trade, the Want of common Sustenance, [23] with neither House nor Clothes to cover them from Inclemencies of Weather, and the most inevitable Prospect of intailing the like, or greater Miseries upon their Breed for ever.
I profeß in the Sincerity of my Heart, that I have not the least Personal Interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary Work, having no other Motive than the Publick Good of my Country, by advancing our Trade, providing for Infants, relieving the Poor, and giving some Pleasure to the Rich. I have no Children by which I can propose to get a single Penny, the youngest being nine Years old, and my Wife past Child-bearing.
F I N I S.
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